Monday, March 9, 2009

Waiting Sucks.

So this blog is very similar to the thoughts of BMoM over at Journey of Faith-the path to motherhood. She said "Ok, so we all know, this TTC journey (and even the pregnancy journey) is ALL ABOUT WAITING...but I cant help but whine....Are we there yet????? Waiting, waiting, waiting!"

I TOTALLY AGREE. Waiting sucks big time. And I've been on a break for what...11 days?! But right now I'm waiting to O. I'm also waiting on DH to finally tell me we have enough money to buy those vitamins. And I'm waiting for our RE appointment at the end of the month (Oh, yea, we're still going!). And biggest of all...I'm waiting on my blessing.

"I can feel the presence of the Lord, and I'm gonna get my blessing right now. A blessing from the Lord is here." -The Presence of the Lord by Byron Cage. I love love love this song we sing at church.

The most powerful part says "Can't you see Him workin' on the outside? I can feel Him movin' on the inside! So come on and enter in, and cast your cares on Him...He'll open up a window and pour you out a blessing! 'Cause when the Lord steps in He brings everything you need-HEALING, POWER, and VICTORY-so it's all up to you, whatever you need Him to do! Just trust in Him, believe in Him, by faith you will receive!"

And if I'm not mistaken, BMoM has taken on the motto "I believe, I receive!"

And I think that is so appropriate in this trying time of our lives. TTC absorbs every second of our empty thoughts. We can't sit and think about chores we need to do, what shows on tonight, what we'd like to do this weekend...NO. We're consumed with TTC.

But since I've stopped temping I have had nothing to do with the day to day path of TTC. I'm just recording CM and waiting to see some fertile signs. I'm not taking medication besides I don't need to pay much attention to cycle days. I'm not sure if this is good or not. When I was temping I felt like I was on top of I had some control over this. But now I'm realizing that I really didn't...but temping just gave me something to obsess over EVERYDAY. So now I'm thinking I won't obsess. It will only consume my thoughts when I'm fertile or in the 2ww. So I guess that's good...I won't spend "as much" time on TTC. But I can't stop thinking about it because there's always the possibility.

But this is my mindset that I'm trying to create: I believe, I receive. I believe that one day I will have my own baby. I believe that God is just waiting to bless us with the perfect child. I believe that every cycle that goes by there is a reason why God said "now's not the time." It's hard, but I'm learning to accept it. I believe God's got a blessing with my name on it. Now it's just a matter of time before I receive it. And like's all in God's timing.

Thanks BMoM for such positive posts lately. I stealing your motto ;) haha


B MoM said...

Hey Emmy! I feel honored to have my name (well my pseudo name) mentioned so often in your post. And you are completely welcome to use my motto anytime. (I infact got it from the copeland's , so unfortunately cant take credit for the great saying). =) I've been learning a lot about the Lord's blessings and that it's there for our taking. We have the blessing, but all we need is faith and patience. So i guess, the answer to our question -- are we there yet? - is almost, just have patience. bleh. Hugs to you!