Monday, March 16, 2009

She Had the Baby...

Do you guys remember my really irritated post a long time ago about my pregnant host on the BZ Boards?? Well...she had her baby. And he's safe at home now. And I am so happy that she got that blessing.

But OH MY GOD. She is the first real case that I have had where I can say "I was trying as long as she was pregnant." OH MY GOD! I can't believe it. We both joined BZ at this time last year. I had been trying since October, she had been trying since February. Since we joined at the same time we got pretty close. Then she announced her pregnancy in July. And I was so jealous. I had been trying 5 months longer than her! It wasnt fair!

But little did I know that was just the beginning of my TTC journey. first, I couldn't be happy for anyone who got pregnant if I had been trying longer than them. It just didnt make sense. But the sad thing now is that I have just come to deal with it. I've realized it doesn't go in order like that (even if it should!). So especially when she became host...I was really peeved.

I thought "I would make a better host. She just went off the pill and got pregnant. No problem. I'M THE ONE that could tell everyone how it is...and they could look up to me because I'm struggling with IF." But then one day I realized...that's not what they were looking for in a host. Leslie made the perfect host because she was exactly what all the women on the board wanted to be. She was encouraging and sweet and helpful...and pregnant. If that's not perfect for a TTC board I don't know what is. She knew all about charting and how to get started...and that's usually all that women TTC needed. I realized that that was not the board you went to to hear about IF struggles and depressing stories. That's why I moved boards. As much as I hated to leave the friends I had made (and I obviously still checked on them) I needed to get more out of the boards than hatred. I was tired of logging in to a board where some newbie joined and wanted to know how they could "try everything" to make sure it happened as soon as possible. I needed a board with ladies going through the SAME THING as me. I realized that at one time, I was one of those girls who didnt know about IF and was just getting started. And once I kept trying and trying and trying I started to resent the girls that had just joined like they were stupid. But the truth is...I was them at one point. And even more importantly, I wouldnt WANT any of them to have to learn about B/W and U/S and S/A and IUI and IVF. I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy.

So as depressing as it is to see her have her beautiful baby...I am NOT angry or upset. I am so happy for her. It is not my fault nor her fault that she is fertile. And it's not her fault that I'm IF. So Leslie, congratulations on your beautiful baby boy Kyle. He is truly a dream come true and I know you will cherish everyday with him :)


Brooke said...

I totally understand. I have a hard time hosting ttc in general sometimes mainly bc I get a little twinge of anger every time somebody starts whining about how they have been trying for 3 whole cycles and they arent pg. I think hosting that board has helped me though. I am more patient with fertiles and I just know that they take me more seriously knowing that I have been at this for a while. I am glad your old host had her baby. Each baby is such a blessing.