Wednesday, March 10, 2010

I Dont Post Enough. I Have BIG News.

OMG Girls I must must must get the internet turned on at my house already! I am going to need your support now more than ever.





Yup. You didnt read that wrong. I'm pregnant. About 7 weeks. NOT PLANNED AT ALL! I was on the mini pill so I could breastfeed. I took that darn pill every day didnt miss a single one at the exact same time everyday too! I took a test last night at midnight. It came up positive so fast. I cried. and cried. and cried.

My last period was January 18th. I didnt have a period at all in February but I didnt think anything of it because I had just had a baby and I knew my cycle needed to readjust itself. Then I started the new pack this month and was starting the 2nd week and Joel told me he thought I was pregnant. I said that was NOT funny! Its totally normal to skip a period right after having a baby. (right?!) I didnt feel pregnant at all. I was on the pill.

Then we all got the stomach bug going around. You know the puking and diarrhea and whatnot. It was awful. Then Joel gets better...and I dont. Guess who comes home with a pregnancy test? Yup. I said sure I'll take it (I KNEW I wasnt pregnant). Then I started freaking out at the what ifs.

Joel and I had talked about having more kids. IN 3 YEARS. I would stay on the pill til then. If he was the only child we ever had, we would be fine. If we got pregnant again, great, but again...hes enough. So the what ifs of "OMG I would have 2 babies under the age of 1" and "OMG I would have 2 in diapers" and "OMG last Thanksgiving I had no children and this Thanksgiving I would have 2!" and "OMG I would have to stay home forever!" and "OMG I wanted Eli to be the baby for a long time!" and "OMG I dont want to be sick while taking care of a baby" and "OMG OMG O.....M.....G!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

So then I didnt want to take the test. But Joel told me just to take it so that way we know either way. So I took it. I knew it was going to be negative. And it wasnt. The pregnancy line came up before the control line. I just sat there. I was like OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG.

Then I started saying "no no no no no no no no." When Joel finally realized it was really positive...I started crying. Not just crying, BAWLING. I'm really not sure why. I think its just that I really wanted to enjoy just Eli by himself for a long while. I wanted so bad to be pregnant and I got that and now I have my beautiful baby boy and life is just perfect. I was NOT ready for this. NOT ready at ALL.

I cried all night long. I wasnt ready to be pregnant again. I called my mom and just cried and cried. She told me it would be ok and we know it wasnt in our plan, but GODS plan.

Yes. Gods plan. Sometimes I wish he would let me know what hes thinking. Maybe I could reason with him. I mean not only was I not TRYING to get pregnant again, I was PREVENTING with birth control. I wasnt ready. But God had other plans. I had a friend tell me "Well you know how long it took you to get pregnant with Eli. You never know what other complications you could have down the road. Maybe this is Gods way of giving you the blessing of having more than one child now when you may not be able to later."

I am truly overwhelmed. I never wanted to be "that" woman. I'm gonna be the girl that gets the "fertile myrtle" jokes. Thats not fair. The struggle I went through to get my precious Eli is going to be overlooked by the sudden pregnancy of this unexpected little one.

I want to say I'm happy because every pregnancy is a blessing. Every baby is a blessing. I am just not prepared for the sickness and taking care of Eli. Or having another baby a month before Eli's first birthday. Hes not going to have a single birthday to himself. Hes not going to know what its like to be my first born.

Ok I'm crying again. I dont want to say I'm upset that I'm pregnant again. I will take as many children as the Lord will bless me with. I just wish he didnt think I was strong enough to take on 2 children 11 months apart.

And now I'm already struggling with the problem all moms face with another pregnancy "How can I love another baby as much as I already love my baby now?" I know I will love this baby. I'm just not super exstatic about this pregnancy just yet. I wanted to know what it was like to tell Eli that mommy was having a baby and explain to him that there's a baby in mommy's tummy. I wanted to have the cute pictures of him talking to his baby brother or baby sister in my belly. Hes barely going to be able to talk at all by the time this baby is here!

I'm also afraid that I wont pay as much attention to Eli once the new baby is here. And he will still be young and he deserves that attention. I dont want to get frustrated with him because I'm having to take care of a newborn at the same time. I dont want to not play with him because I'm busy with the other baby.

This is NOT what I wanted. This is NOT what I had planned at all. If anyone has any prayers out there to spare...send them my way.

Saturday, January 9, 2010

Breastfeeding Woes and Staying Home

First off let me start with...WOW I LOVE MY SON!

I honestly never thought motherhood could be this great...and even then, I wanted to be a mom. Now, I cant even explain in words how much I love being a mom. Everything little thing is amazing. Every little thing is worth it.

Every single diaper change, bath, nap, book reading, talking, is all perfect and amazing.

Here is my one, single, tiny, yet seriously huge.....problem. Breastfeeding.

I wanted to breast feed so bad. Seriously. I went to classes, read books, talked to other successful BF mothers, talked to lactation consultants, bought a pump, bought nursing bras and tank tops. I did it all...I was super prepared for sleepless nights and sore nipples.

But somewhere along the lines it became difficult. But not on my part...not even on my son's was the drs part. Here's where it started....they had me start supplementing when he was 2 days old. They had me continue supplementing until his drs appt at 2 weeks. This is where it fell apart.

I started taking Fenugreek. I kept a 2 liter bottle of water with me at all times. I made sure I ate enough calories. And most importantly...I PUT HIM TO THE BREAST EVERY TIME.

What I hate is the fact that I heard the same thing from everyone...women who breastfed, the lactation consultant with his pedi, the lactation consultant with the health dept, etc. They all said "Put him to the breast." Always offer the breast first. Let him eat, then supplement. You know what started happening? He would latch on, eat a minute, unlatch, cry, latch, unlatch, cry, latch, unlatch, cry...until 30 minutes later and I would give him the supplement. He got nothing from my breast. He was smart enough to know that if he waited long enough he would get the bottle. *SIGH*

When he was about 3-4 weeks old I got a call from a friend of mine from BZ. She had just given birth to her daughter (we're on the same due date club) and she had been exclusively breastfeeding since she was 45 minutes old. I was so jealous. She told me about a supplement she used with her first child called More Milk Plus. I havent taken it...only because I am already taking Fenugreek and it's the main ingredient. She suggested that I give it 2 days. I was leaking and able to express milk with my hand. We knew that my supply was there. 2 days of nothing but breast.

I did it. It didnt work. My son was on my chest literally all day except for diaper changes. No joke. He was never satisfied. He slept for maybe 30 minutes at a time. It was awful. We went back to the bottle.

So where did the problem start? Maybe the fact that I didnt get to breast feed him until he was a few hours old? They rushed him off after I had him to check him and didnt bring him back until he was about 4 hours old. Is it because we didnt have a good latch and the LC with the hospital didnt notice? He would breastfeed for an hour non stop while in the hospital. Was it the bottle? DH and I decided to the bottle once we got home because it took waaaay to long to hook my boob up to the little tube with formula just to breast feed him when it didnt work anyway.

So here are my questions: Did I give up too easily? Is it too late to try again?

Here are my concerns:

#1: I have never gotten more than 1/2 an ounce when I have pumped. This makes me think I have milk, but not enough.

#2: I have never experienced engorgement. NEVER.

#3: I cannot hand express any milk after he has been latched on for just a few minutes.

#4: He only stays on the breast for up to 15 minutes and the very occasional 30 minutes. Usually around 5-10 minutes, though. Then he unlatches and cries and tries to latch back on with a big wide mouth and a bopping head. When he does get latched back on, he's only on for another second and back off again.

#5: Even if it seems he was eating well, when he unlatches he cries and roots around like he is still hungry. If I offer the breast again, we repeat #4.

#6: After what I think was a good breastfeeding, he happily takes 2-4oz of formula. And I'm not talking just takes it...I'm talking no spit up, no falling asleep while eating...he was hungry, and he ate!

Here are my reasons for hope that I might be able to start again:

#1: I leak. Not a lot, but I do.

#2: He still roots towards my chest (or anyone's for that matter) when he is hungry. Obviously he knows he can still get SOME from me.

#3: He still has a good latch. I have never had sore nipples from a shallow latch. No cracking or anything! And I can see him swallowing.

#4: Maybe the most important point...I still want to breastfeed. He needs that comfort...and so do I.

If anyone has any suggestions, besides the one that annoys me :) please offer any advice. I feel so guilty for giving up, but I just didnt know what to do.

Now for the better update...we are doing sooooo well! I LOVE staying home with him! We read books together and I swear he keeps his mouth open the entire time I'm reading like he wants to talk to me! He smiled at me for the first time the other day while we were reading The Little Engine that Could. He was so cute that I was laughing outloud while trying to read!

He loves his swing...he was little bear mobile on it that he likes to look at while swinging. He only likes the swing on the highest setting. I think it helps with gas and it rocks him to sleep.

We also had to hang up some 0-3 month size clothing last week. He was around 5 weeks when we pulled it out. It was mainly the full body outfits that he needed bigger because he's so long! He still cant even fit in most of his newborn size pants...they're still too big!

*And right here is where we took a break to try to breast feed because my sleeping baby became a hungry baby. Unfortunately, he would not latch on the left breast at all...and he latched on to the right breast for like 30 seconds. My mom's feeding him right now :(

So theres a little update from us! I absolutely love being at home with him and I'm already crying just thinking about how much he has grown! We got pics taken on the 31st as a family and did some newborn pics. I'll have to post some soon!

CONGRATULATIONS to Brooke on the arrival of Colton! Just in time for Christmas! I'm a little envious of those of you who had your little ones early! Eli was nice and comfy in my belly for a long time!

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Crazy Update! Eli is here!

So I guess pictures are coming first! Here are my last pregnancy pics taken on Black Friday at 39 weeks, pictures from the hospital, and pictures from our first Sunday at church!

WOW I cant believe it has been 3 months since I have been able to blog! :(

Since the move we have not had internet and basically....cant afford it. Luckily, my mom is now just down the hopefully I can be back for good! :)

So where do I start? How do I put the last 3 months into one good blog?! Well, I I'll get to the best son, Elijah HERE! He is with us! I have waited so long to be a mom and I've got to is WONDERFUL! It is better than I ever dreamed! He is amazing!

So here's the story, short and sweet...

He was born Dec 1st at 3:59am. He weighed 8lbs .8oz and was 21 in long. He has a head full of dark brown hair, blue eyes, and his daddy's dimples!
On Nov. 30th I was going in for my 39 week appt. I was actually 39 weeks on black friday...but my Obs office was closed, so I had to wait til Monday. I went in and my blood pressure was elevated. They sent me to triage to be monitored. Of course, I was already 39 weeks and 3 I was kinda hoping to be induced...and I was right! After being monitored for 3 hours, my DH called into work and the on call dr came in and said he thought the risk of continuing the pregnancy with the risk of preeclampsia was way worse then going ahead and starting pitocin! Alright!

So we started the pitocin at 4pm, broke my water at 6pm, started contracting and got the epidural at 8pm. It took an hour to get the epidural in. It was the most pain I have ever felt in my entire life. It felt like I was being stabbed to death. I was contracting and the stupid lady kept going way too far to the right side and it took her 3 tries to get it in. I'm still honestly not sure if it was even worth the whole one hour of no pain I got from it. I was able to sleep for 45 minutes and then the contractions started again. I should have known to ask for an increase in meds at that point even though it wasnt hurting...because by the time it was hurting I still had to wait another hour for the stupid woman to come increase my dose! But, out of the 12 hours of labor...I was really only in pain for about 3. One when the contractions first started, one for the epidural (OMG), and one when the contractions came again while waiting for the increased dose.

The pushing was my most favorite part! He was sooo head down that I pushed one time with the nurse and she told me to stop and she went to go get the dr! It took about 3 contractions and 5 minutes and he was out! The cord was wrapped around his neck, but nothing serious! Pushing didnt hurt....I actually enjoyed it! I tore, but I didnt feel it and it didnt hurt...I was sore for about a week after...but nothing too bad at all!

He made his appearance at 3:59am! He was absolutely beautiful! No problems at all!

When he was 2 days old they came in and told me he was jaundice and that I needed to start supplementing. I was VERY upset about this because I was determined to breastfeed! They hooked me up to the formula tube so we could try that while he breastfed...but I gave in and started giving him a bottle. Breastfeeding is the only thing I have cried about since he has come home. We are still supplementing, but I have started taking fenugreek to try to increase my milk supply and I'm about to take the plunge to take him off the bottle completely. It will be a struggle because I believe he has gotten used to breastfeeding first, and then getting the bottle. So when he doesnt get the bottle afterwards, he's going to be mad. So I will just have to put him back on the breast and deal with the fussing. Wish me luck!

I really hope I can still keep up with this blog...I have missed my friends! Brooke and B MoM...I cannot believe I have missed the tail end of you journeys! I really felt so bonded with you guys since we were so close in our pregnancies. B, Kaua is GORGEOUS! And Brooke...I cannot wait to see Colton! Your maternity pics are BEAUTIFUL! I wish I had had some done, but you make an absolutely gorgeous pregnant lady! :) I have missed you guys so much!

Friday, September 25, 2009

Catching Up

Well...seems I have a lot to catch up on here! It feels like I NEVER have the time to update!

So where to start? Let's start at my appointment on Wednesday....

I was sooooo irritated with this appointment. My app was at 10:30am. DH and I got there at 10:20am. We watched every person that was there before go back. Then we watched everyone that came in AFTER us go back. It was 11:05am before we got called back. My drs office moved floors and so they have been in a big adjustment. But come on! The lady did my weight...thats a whole 'nother problem...and sent my DH to another waiting room while I peed in a cup. Then she took me back to the room at took my blood pressure, which was usual. Without DH. After doing all this, then she goes to get him. Then we wait. Not too long...but a good 10 minutes. I was meeting the other midwife with my practice for the first time. I did NOT like her at ALL! This was my by play...

Midwife: Hello!

Me: Hi!

Midwife: I'm Sharon, nice to meet you!

Me: Nice to finally meet you too!

Midwife: I see you've already had your Rhogam shot...why so early?

Me: I came in for another U/S for pictures of his heart and I guess they just thought lets go ahead and get it over with!

Midwife: Ok great! (Feels my tummy, starts the doppler...)


Midwife: Ok heartrate is in the 140s and we like it between 120 and thats good. Ok, see you in 2 weeks!

Me: Um, actually I am really concerned about the sudden swelling I have had in my hands and face and feet and my rapid weight gain all of a sudden.

Midwife: (Looking at my chart, not my feet, hands, or face) Well, you've gained a total of 36 pounds so far, so youre pushing it. We dont really like to see it over 40. When its over 40 there is an increased risk for (x,y,z...blah blah blah.) Plus there was no protein in your urine and your blood pressure is it's most likely nothing.

Me: Well, actually my starting weight on this chart is NOT where I normally am. It's almost 10 pounds under where I am normally.

Midwife: Ok, well, around 26 pounds then you just want to be careful. Are you drinking a lot of juice or soda?

Me: I drink apple juice a lot. No soda.

Midwife: Ok, well cut out the juice completely because its empty calories and walk 3 times a week.

Me: Well, my concern is that NOTHING has changed in my diet and job is very active working with kids, I dont just sit there and get fat. My weight gain has been good so far with just 2-4 pounds a month and then all of a sudden 6 pounds at each of my last 2 appointments!

Midwife: Just cut out the juice and make sure youre exercising. See you in 2 weeks!

Me: Um, is it ok if I try to get back on Friday appointments? Would you prefer that I do one week 1/2 appointment or let the next one go 2 1/2 weeks?

Midwife: 2 1/2 weeks should be fine, just call if you have more than 4 contractions in an hour. You're not having bad contractions are you?

Me: Um, no, I dont think so.

Midwife: Ok, then 2 1/2 weeks it is!

(and out she goes)

I was FREAKING PISSED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I told DH if she was looking at my chart she would SEE that I have PCOS and that works against me weight wise...should I go back on Metformin? My favorite nurse midwife told me it didnt matter if I did or not, so I'm thinking if I have another grand weight gain at my next appointment, I'm going to go back on it. But seriously, stop drinking juice and exercise?!?! Come on! Oh, I forgot to mention that during the doppler I asked her how big he was and she said there was too much fluid to tell and it was too early. Um, 29 1/2 weeks is too early to give me an estimate?! She said normally at 29 weeks they are about 3 pounds. I said he was already 2 pounds at my U/S at 24 1/2 weeks. (Do the math...that was 5 weeks ago) And she says "Then he's probably about 3 or 4 pounds now.

Ok...moving on. My next appointment is now Oct 9th at 32 weeks. I am 30 weeks today. My aunt and I had lunch together the other day to make baby shower plans! It will be at her church's basement (same as my bridal shower) on Oct. 11th. We are also making it a family its co-ed. That means DH will be there and my 2 best friends can come...and basically a bunch of guys can come too! I'm really excited! As many people as we are inviting (Im only having this ONE we're trying to get EVERYONE in) it is going to be a blast! I just desperately need to update our registry! We only have like 5 things on it! I got soooo worn out when we tried to do it in the I'm just gonna try to do it online. I can't wait!

Housing situation update...we are now going to try to talk to the mortgage company and see if they will work with us. With DH and I both working the jobs we are now we can make payments. The only downside is I will NOT be working needless to say we are still looking at rental houses and are actually going to see 2 more this weekend. After all this drama I finally talked to MIL for the first time in like a month. I have been so resentful of her for not giving us the rental house. But she called and left a message for me to tell DH something, so I called her to let her know that I would tell him and then she just wanted an update on the little one.

Work has finally settled down. My boss is not nearly being as big a b*tch as she was before because I am looking more and more pregnant. Plus, all the little kids can feel Eli move on the outside, so of course she had to feel too...there is something so awkward about so many people touching your belly at once...but it was funny. I am just hoping and praying that I can really make it to Thanksgiving break. We REALLY need the money. Unless I am put on strict bedrest for some reason...or actually HAVE THE KID before then...then I am working right up until my EDD. Ugh...even though I want to quit NOW. lol

I am quite exhausted. My feet hurt and my hands hurt from swelling so badly. My heartburn is so bad I have it almost 24/7. I am taking Zantac 150...not 75. I was just taking ONE at night to get me through the night and then using milk to make is subside during the day. But today when I woke up it was SO BAD I took a pill AND threw up. And drank a ton of milk through the day at work. Those little 4 oz milks from school cafeterias are amazing! :)

So not much more to report here except that DH and I are just doing sooo much better stress wise...not that anything has changed to make the stress go away...just that we're learning to deal with it better. I just want some answers. So please continue to pray for us...and BMoM, thanks for all the links! I studied them intently! That is, in fact, how we have come to terms with the fact that maybe, just maybe, we can keep the house!

Now I will leave you with my 29 week belly pic. I havent taken my 30 week one yet today...that will come next time!

Friday, September 18, 2009

So Tired!

Well, I missed my dr appointment this morning. Actually, DH and I had a "morning in." LOL! We were both SO tired! I just called to reschedule. I just couldnt and wait...for only 10 minutes with the dr. Ugh. So I will go next week.

I have been working A TON of hours. Now, to most people my "ton" is not nearly a lot. I work 4 hours a day. 20 a week. Not much. But ohhhhh....its enough for me!

I have to have 2o hours of training a year. These training hours are coming due at the end of October. I work for a DHS approved child care center. So these are pretty important. I had only worked since May though...I had to take off from Jan to May for my internship with school. I worked all summer at a different center, our center was closed for the summer because we didnt have enough students. So needless to say...I have no gotten ANY hours. So all of a sudden I have a new boss (a previous coworker) and she informs me that I have 2 months to get all 20 hours of training. It has been incredibly stressful. She has been in the same job position as me (co workers), an assistant director at a different site, and now she is the director at our site. I like her. Dont get me wrong. But she has come in and tried to get everything PERFECT, where as my previous boss let A LOT of things slip.

In fact, there are plenty of things we have been doing now that I didnt even have CLUE we were supposed to be doing! So I have actually somewhat enjoyed knowing that we are actually doing what we are supposed to! But that in turn has caused a lot of stress...and I think she has taken it a little too far at times. She told me I needed to get those training hours...of course I have no problem doing this! Duh! If someone had told me sooner I would have had no problem doing them! She proceeds to tell me that if I dont get all my hours...I will not be able to work. That is NOT fair. I am going to EVERY SINGLE TRAINING that is offered in my area. It is NOT my fault that my previous boss NEVER brought up this I had no idea it even was a problem. (And FYI I have worked here since May 08 and last year I went to ONE training for 6 hours and did NOT lose my job) So I have for the past few weeks been going to extra hours of training. That's, we have our assessment coming up on Monday (yikes!) and I went in 4 hours early yesterday to get prepared. I worked 8 straight hours. Now granted, my job is NOT hard, but by the time I came home my back was hurting so bad that I was doing the "granny shuffle" to my kitchen. I couldnt even walk.

That's another thing...this new boss has no problem telling me she thinks I'm incompetent. She is constantly complaining because I'm always sitting...or not doing something else she thinks needs to be done. In fact, today, I was setting up my learning centers (areas for the kids to play) and my co worker, our only other employee at our site) did not have his centers finished. Mine were done, so I went ahead and kept setting up a few of his. I set up 2 of his 5. I also set up 5 of my own. I felt I was finished and it was not my responsibility to continue setting I sat down and starting going through my paper work. My boss then preceeds to say "Emily, can you go to the stage (our storage area) and get the 2 folding chairs and put one in reading and resting and one in L.I.T?" I said "Uh, I guess...but my centers are finished. Those are Jonathan's." Now, keep in mind, me and my coworkers are friends. We all get along. Jonathan says he'll go get them and my boss does this little "huff." Well, I dont care. Not my center, not my responsibility. Plus, the fact that I help Jonathan lift our cart FULL of games everyday onto and off of the stage when I should NOT be lifting and bending...and she doesnt offer to do that. I could care less.

Well, at our staff meeting she gives us an agenda of things going on. Things to improve on, things we're doing well, etc etc. One bullet on the agenda was that we NEED to set up learning centers faster. I said "Laurel, I'm getting mine done. I dont mind to help, but we split them evenly. And mine are always done and always have what they need." Her response? "I know. It's just that when you see something that needs to be would be nice if you would do it. Plus one of us has to be in here with Kindergarten at all times." I'm thinking...yea! I know that! Oh...and btw...she gives herself NOTHING to set up :) In fact, we sat down and split the centers evenly for a reason. Jonathan got the heavier centers and I got the game boards, table games and things like that. So really...even if I see something that needs to be done..I'm not about to do it if it requires me to bend over or carry something heavy.

Basically what I'm getting at is that Laurel just doesnt understand that there are things I just cant do or am not willing to do. I HATE lifting all that at the beginning and ending of the day. It takes us like 2 sec! I wish she would just do it and let me sit with the kids. But she doesnt get that it is too much. She comments ALL THE TIME about how I am constantly sitting...she just has NO IDEA how uncomfortable I am and how I am truly in PAIN sometimes! In fact, she has even said "Emily, there are nurses out there that are pregnant that are on their feet 12 hours a can stand up." My response? "Yes, I'm sure there are...and I'm sure they're wishing they could sit down!" Sheesh...what I cant wait for is for the day I have to quit because its too much. I told her I am planning on leaving over Thanksgiving break. Basically, we go on break and I just dont come back. But that is a week before my due it is very possible that I will have to leave sooner. Who knows.

So moving on from yet ANOTHER stressor in my life...LOL. My son is quite the mover and shaker! I have finally been feeling him move since around 25 weeks. MUCH later than I wanted, but with the anterior placenta and the fact that was overweight to begin with....I was not surprised. But since then I have felt him on a regular basis! He moves most at night when I first lay he's trying to get comfy! He moves a lot in the evening when I am in my recliner. I feel him periodically throughout the day...and I LOVE IT. I just love, love, love it. I am guessing that he is about 4 to 4 1/2 pounds now. He was already 2 pounds when I was 24 weeks 5 days. And then he starts gaining like crazy around 28 weeks...something like 1 pound every 16 days or I'm just guessing. I'll ask when I go back to the dr.

My heartburn has become soooo bad that over the counter things are just not helping. I'm going to ask about a perscription. I also still have that INCREDIBLE pain my right side on my back where my kidney is. I am going to ask about hydronephrosis or what it may be caused by. Other than that, everything is going quite smoothly.

I guess considering how everything BUT my pregnancy is completely out of control and stressful...I have to count it as a HUGE blessing :)

Monday, September 14, 2009

Blah Blah Blah

That's exactly how I feel!

For the past...oh, I dunno, week or so...I have felt completely and totally overwhelmed. I have seriously stressed out and cried and much, that I just dont even have the energy to continue!

DH and I had yet another one of our "discussions" about our housing situation...and once again, it escalated to tears and hurt feelings. We are both just so overwhelmed with the SAME problems and DIFFERENT ways of handling them. Honestly, when we reach a certain point in our talks...there is just no need to continue. If I take offense at something...I automatically do not want the conversation to continue because I am immediately on defense and "fighting." The same goes for him...he gets a thought in him head and runs it in the ground and gets to the point that he does NOT want my opinion. We both just need to learn when to stop. But for some reason we keep going. I dont know if its stress or what...but there is just no good in a conversation going down the road it's been going. I guess we both feel like if we dont talk about now, when will we? But I think it's gonna be better solved through small talks. If we talk too much, we get too stressed. Ugh.......

So here's the latest on this situation. MIL got a certified letter in the mail to her PO box. She has yet to go and pick it up. It's from her mortgage company. She thinks its a letter to inform her the foreclosure process has begun on her rental property. DH and I think she is CRAZY for not picking up this letter immediately. If she has already entered foreclosure, those little old ladies she has in that house have LESS than a month to get out now! And they dont have a clue! I dont think they would...but they would have every right to sue her for breech of contract for not giving them 30 day notice!!! Our latest plan was to "save" MIL from foreclosure and use my inheritance money to pay her up to date and use that as our first and last months rent. Use the rest of my inheritance to pay for my class and to fix our transmission on our Isuzu. Our only problem still in the way was getting MIL to actually TELL the ladies they had to move and giving us a firm OK that we could move in. However, last night...DH went down this road....

He wants to KEEP our house. He is mad at us for not fighting harder to keep it after all we did to get it. He claims that if he works a 40 hour a week job and a part time job and if I work a 40 hour a week job after baby...we will be able to keep it. I have a problem with this. When DH and I first got married he was working INSANE hours and we never got time together. The time we DID get together was spent fighting over nonsense...secretly because we just missed each other. I do NOT want to go to that point again. Especially because a baby will be in the picture this time. I want DH to have time to enjoy Eli growing up. I dont want him to turn around one day and go "where did the time go?" and regret working so much. I do not think this house is worth that. But when I asked DH what he would do about spending time with his family he just said "I would spend every second I had to be with my family." As great as that sounds...I just think it would be SO stressful and not worth it in the long run. I would rather sell and move and both of us work full time jobs and still have enough time for family.

His next idea was to...omg...offer the ladies that live in his mother's rental house right rent out our basement. Again, I have a problem with this. DH sees this a solution for everything...he wouldnt have to work a 2nd job so he would get to be home more AND we would get to keep the house. I brought up the fact that the ladies are extremely elderly and the only access they would have to the kitchen is going upstairs. Then he said we could rent them our other 2 bedrooms and we (and Eli) stay in our bedroom. The basement and the living room/dining room/kitchen would be the area that we share. We would get to keep our dogs. I do not like the idea of having strangers living in my house. If I am keeping my house, I do not want to share it. I do not want it to feel like dorm life where you cant walk out of your bedroom without a bra on. I do not want to live in my own basement. (That was another option...we move our stuff to the downstairs since we are still able to use the stairs). I would rather move to the rental house, still have my own (smaller, but still private) space and start over. I want to sell the house. It was great when we could afford it. It's been a great first home. Granted, we bought it to "grow" into...but we could sooo fit in a smaller space. I want to cut my loses and start over. Less house, less stress. Even with him working 2 jobs and me working a full time job...we would be living paycheck to paycheck. If we moved to the rental house and we both worked full time jobs, we could save, put back...and live more comfortably without as much stress on bills. We would be close to my mom and sister for support and help with watching the baby. I cant believe I'm saying it, but I was actually looking forward to the move. Even if we had to would be a fresh start.

But I just dont feel like going down this road again with DH. The truth is, I am his wife...and I ultimately have to give it up to him. I will follow him where ever. Even if I am miserable. There's a point where I just have to give up.

The latest pregnancy news is that with all the stress I am going through I am having Braxton Hicks contractions. And the urge to poop (TMI!) a lot. Baby has been moving around like crazy (FINALLY!) for the past few weeks (started around 25 weeks that I could really feel him...stupid anterior placenta!). I love love love feeling him move! I think I may have hydronephrosis...where there is a pressure blockage on my ureter to my kidney that causes discomfort. This is what the on call dr told me. I'll find out at my appointment Friday if I get an U/S of my kidney. And OMG heartburn! Milk, tums, mylanta...NOTHING is working. I took TWO pepcid the other day and that was the FIRST time I had had relief. Needless to say, I will have to ask about a prescription at my appointment also. What else? Swelling...of my hands mostly...and my feet when Im in the shower. Sciatic pain in my left thigh is worse. Like frostbite. And I have seriously never felt this fatigued the entire pregnancy. I could seriously sleep ALLLLLLL day. Oh, and nausea is back. I threw up the other day for the first time since I had the flu at 24 weeks. Ugh...I thought I had paid my dues! Grrr.

Sorry to have such a depressing post, but in all honesty...I'm really struggling. I will update with stats from my next appointment! Friday! I'll be 29 weeks! WOW! Getting sooooo close!

Sunday, September 6, 2009

A Lot Going On!

So I had my appointment Friday...all is well! I have now started my every 2 week appointments! I was VERY surprised by this! It was a VERY quick appointment to check on the little guy...and then off we went! I believe this is what they will be like from now on...

We have our Super Saturday child birth class and hospital tour on the 19th! I'm VERY excited about this! DH and I have actually not really been around the hospital except for my Ob's that part alone will be helpful. It's free for us on Medicaid too! :) Yay!

Yesterday was UTs first game of the season! We beat Western Kentucky 63 to 7! It was coach Kiffin's first game, and he proved himself worthy! We'll have to see if we keep it up. I was NOT feeling well yesterday and we ran all over the place! I told DH "I remember a time where I was the one always wanting to go somewhere and now I dont want to and youre dragging me all over the place!" We went to his cousin's house to watch the game...then came home and rested for about 2 or 3 hours...then out again to DHs best friends house 30 minutes away just to hang out. We watched a movie and ate dinner. That whole stinkin day my back was KILLING me!

Let me tell you about this back's on my right side...where my kidney is. It's not like excrutiating pain, but it got really annoying and worse. I had DH rubbing my back for what seems like all day. I couldnt stretch it out, I couldnt rub it out...I couldnt get rid of it! It even got so bad that I called the nurse line for my Ob. I was able to talk to a dr that explained it didnt sound like a kidney stone because I am not having any urinary more sounded like the uterus was pressing on my kidney and a nerve and that I would probably get relief by laying on the other side. If it got worse, or progressed until Tuesday...I should come in. It still hurts, but it is very a 2 or 3 on the pain scale, give or take. Regardless...this is one lady that just wants to stay home for crying out loud!

In fact, just now DH came to me and told my BIL wants us to come out for lunch! I'm like 'NO! I was running around ALL DAY yesterday and I just want to stay HOME!" Sheesh! What bugs me the most is that WE always have to GO one can come to US! Although that would stress me out on a whole new level because I dont want anyone in my house! lol

On the house front/job front with news. We are REALLY upset that we sacrificed all this time for DH to get this "great job" at the end and we have seen NOTHING. This coming week will start week 2 after completing training. DH has interviews set up with jobs that have NOTHING to do with this training. We are both very very mad. We are also having to make plans for losing our house. If DH gets a job it would have to pay at LEAST what he was making before for us to be able to stay here. He is NOT going to find something like that. So our plan is to have him get a job making about 5 to 7 dollars less an hour and we will move. We will try to sell this house, but if it doesnt sell we will go into foreclosure. We will be moving into a rental house that his parents own. We will be paying them HALF of what we pay for this house. If we cannot sell this house, we will have to be out by Nov 25th. MIL would also have to give her now tenants a 30 day notice. We have given her until Friday to make up her mind. If she decides to give them their 30 day notice, then we are moving. So that would put it at Oct. 11th that we could start moving into the other house. It is much smaller...2 bedroom 1 bath...our house now is 3 bedroom, 3 bath. It is only 2 blocks away from my mom...MUCH closer to my family than DHs family. But right now we're not really close to either one of our families. I cannot wait to have a definite answer from MIL so I can start planning.

Needless to say, I have been WAY STRESSED OUT with all the troubles we have been having. I have had what I call "stress stomach" which is a stomach ache I get when I get stressed. I really do not want to cause contractions or pregnancy problems because I am so stressed. I am really TRYING to take it easy...but I am so stressed that just thinking of all the possibilities I could just break out in tears in seconds. The good news is if DH gets an ok paying job we can easily move to this rental house and get back on our feet. The bad news is we will lose this house...and we will most likely have a foreclosure on our credit. But oh do what you have to do! My only problem right now is that it is out of my control...and I HATE that! I hate the unknown! And even after Friday if MIL does give her tenants a 30 day notice...I still have a MONTH before I can move ANYTHING over there! That puts me at Oct 11th at the earliest! I am just ready to cut my loses and move on! I will bawl my eyes out losing this house because it was our FIRST house and we worked HARD to keep it. It was where we planned on build a family...and grow into it. With the other will not be where we stay. It gives us absolutely NO room to grow. But it's what we need right now. It will give me LESS of house to take care of and LESS stress about finances. We will be able to keep EVERYTHING else, just not our house. And that's ok with me. There are things about this house I don't like's by no means perfect. So in 3-7 years when we have a down payment and are ready to try the whole "buying a house" thing again...we'll be ready. It will be a re-building opportunity.

If you have any prayers to spare...PLEASE PLEASE keep me and my family in your prayers. I need to calm down stress wise or I am going to be suffering the consequences. I NEED some good news so I can plan and start getting situated. Please pray that we are able to get that house.

Do I have anything else to share? Hmm...I dunno! I was 27 weeks on Friday...and baby boy is measuring ahead still. Although they didnt give me an estimate on his size?? I kinda wanted to know! lol I will be over 32 weeks pregnant by the time we start moving in to that rental house. OMG it's going to be a feat! But we will have LOTS of I'm not worried. I just want to get in there and start turning it into a HOME before our son joins us. I want it to feel complete when we bring him home.

Gee...can you tell whats on my mind?! LOL! I will update you guys when I get the news on that house. That will relieve a TON of stress!

Oh...I almost forgot! 27 week belly pic!