So on to Month 14

So I am officially in Month 14 now. I have a nice glass of wine sitting next to me. Don't worry...I know it holds an insane amount of carbs I'm sure...but I'm alright. It's the only bad carb I've allowed into my new diet to date. However...tomorrow is Thanksgiving and while I will be careful, I am not going to cut myself off from eating everything unhealthy. That is just ridiculous. I am not going to let this insulin resistance rule my life. I am healthier person today than I was 2 weeks ago. I will eat in moderation. I will monitor my carbs. But I will not let my diet over-rule my life. I will still be normal..and I will eat.

So on the IF front...AF showed yesterday evening...giving me a whopping 10 day LP. That's just awesome (NOT). So out of the 5 cycles I have had I have had 2 cycles with 11 day luteal phases and 2 with 10 day luteal phases. So in January I will be discussing this with my ObGyn. I think she will be putting me on Clomid, but she may also want to put me on something with Progesterone to extend my LP. In fact, ever since I started charting (6 months ago!) and saw how short my LP was, I always wondered if I had a luteal phase defect. So I guess I will know in January. Until then...I will continue with the Metformin and keep my fingers crossed. I increase to the final stage of my Metformin on Friday...1500mg. I just hope it makes a difference.

Come on Christmas BFP!

Ouch! My tummy!

My tummy hurts!!! Last night, DH made spaghetti squash for dinner. Now, I love my DH...and he cooks great! But this did NOT sit well with my stomach! I felt SO NAUSEOUS afterwards! Just the thought of taking another bite of that stuff made me feel like I was going to throw up! So I ended binging on sugar free cookies to try to get the taste to go away! haha Big mistake!

I never did get the nausea to go away last night....I had the worst time falling asleep. Now today I still feel nauseous. And I've had some tummy troubles (tmi). My temp went down this morning...96.86...at only 9dpo. My temps usually stay higher than 97.00 until 11dpo and then they drop. So it could be that my temp goes down tomorrow again and I only have a 10 day luteal phase. Or it could go back up again tomorrow for an implantation dip! Doubtful, but still...it also could mean that AF is coming tomorrow....which would mean I'm having the shortest luteal phase I've ever had...not that I would be surprised!

So that's all on the IF front for now...I think I'm going to go eat some broccoli or something! haha

Followers!

So...if you follow my blog...let me know!!! I follow a lot of you! So show me some love! hahahaha

My struggle right now

So I hate this diet. Now, this doesn't mean I'm not doing it...but I hate it. This is my first step really trying to get healthier...so I am new to all of this. These issues now that they have come about have been so eye-opening. They have answered so many questions. I am very pleased that I have an answer for all the problems I've been having...but it comes with so much more...

I have now been on Metformin for about 4 days. I have been on this South Beach diet since yesterday. It sucks. I honestly had no idea what I was getting myself into. EVERYTHING seems to have carbs in it. I can't have bread...and Ive come to realize that that is the ONE carb I will miss. I can do without potatoes, corn, pasta....but I miss bread already. In fact, I have decided I am not going to cut it out completely. I am eating wheat bread...it is impossible for me to do without it. I HATE salad...my first real whole day of the diet was today.

I ate 2 eggs and turkey bacon for breakfast. yum :) I attempted to eat a salad for lunch...gross! So I made a turkey bacon, deli turkey, tomato, and mayo sandwich on wheat bread. That was delicious. I also had grapes. Then for supper DH made some amazing tilapia with broccoli and cauliflower and mushrooms. That was also good....but I was still hungry. I ended up just now making some egg salad (with sweet relish, fat free butter substitute, and mayo). And I ate it on wheat bread. I'm obviously not doing so well on this diet...but it's a work in progress. I am really trying...and I have already made some big changes.

I am proud of myself...I had a good cry with DH in the kitchen tonight. I am a little scared about what's wrong with me. I am really making steps to change my lifestyle. It obviously cannot be changed in one day...or even a few months. I have to give myself time to get used to this. But I am determined to make myself healthier.

This is a long road.......but here I go...

I have PCOS...

Alright....so DHs S/A does not have be done til January now.

So here is the basic stuff I have to do: DIET, EXERCISE...lose weight! And take Glucofage.

My insulin was really high...I have insulin resistance. Which is a form of PCOS. Now, when I had my ultrasound done over the summer the tech told me she did not see any signs of PCOS...so I assumed I didn't have it. But my ObGyn explained to me today that they actually go by your B/W results to determine PCOS, so I may not have cysts...but I DO have PCOS.

She told me to go on the South Beach Diet. She also said that I have high cholesterol...and I am at risk for diabetes. Now I was not surprised by these 2 facts because my mom has diabetes and my dad has high cholesterol.

Luckily, she did NOT just send me packing saying "Diet and exercise and you'll get pregnant." She is putting me on Glucofage. She is starting me on 500mg for one week, 1000mg for week 2, and finally make my way up to 1500 mg. She told me it would help me lose weight!!! Woohoo! Im really excited about this because I have always wondered why I had a hard time losing weight (I used to be anorexic) and the only way I found to lose it was to just not eat. I do not eat worse than everyone else...but for some reason I stay fat! So Im going to start the South Beach on Monday...and start walking 30 min a day.

I have a follow up appointment with her in January. She does not expect me to be pregnant by then :( But she does expect me to have lost about 2 lbs a week...and therefore by January I will be healthier. She still wants me to temp so I can see if I am ovulating regularly. She said even though it seems that I am ovulating, I may not actually be releasing my eggs. She also said in January we will talk about clomid.

But basically right now I have to take care of my body before I can try to get pregnant. She said we can still try by all means by charting, but to not expect any results until we get my insulin under control.

I am so glad to have an answer! I am sad that I will not be pregnant by January, but that's okay. It just means I will be healthier and really ready for that pregnancy when it happens! My hope is that I can be pregnant by my birthday in July :) I think it's good to have a goal!!!

I'm so excited!!! Bring on the Metformin!!!

The Angry Infertile

Gosh I love her :)

I just read a new award she started and Im stealing it :) lol

Here's her blog: http://www.angryinfertile.blogspot.com

And here is what she posted :)

*****

So if you're out there, this is for you:

• If you could make a little house from used pee sticks and OPKs

If you talk in TTC acronyms nobody except people on the internet understand

If you have ever been stuck with any needles in order to achieve pregnancy

If you have had to stick yourself, or your husband has had to turn into your nurse in order to do it for you

If you've ever seen a blank ultrasound screen

If you know what a cootercam is

If you have ever gotten shower invites, family photos, or birth announcements in the mail and had a good cry

If you have watched someone go through an entire cycle of pregnancy in the time it took you to even try

If you have ever heard "just relax" or "it's not your time" or "it's God's will"

If you dread holidays because you cannot announce a pregnancy to your family

If you dread holidays because there are no children to share them with

If you have ever held a baby or child and quietly pretended for a second that they're yours

If you have ever walked around the store in order to avoid the baby/toddler section

If you cannot park in the front spots of a store because they are for pregnant and expectant mothers only

If you've ever had to go IN the baby/toddler section of a store in order to buy something for someone else's baby

If you've ever yelled out during watching a movie or tv show about someone who's trying for a baby, "That's SO not realistic!"

If you've ever sat around with a group of women who shared birth stories and labor pains and felt like you didn't fit in

If you've ever told anyone you are infertile and they're response was, "That sucks. I'm super fertile! I can have all the kids I want!"

If a fertile person ever told you that they would be your surrogate because they have no problem getting pregnant

If you have ever gotten a shower invite through email while sitting at work trying to forget about TTC

If you know what an RE is

If you have ever graphed out your cycle on chart paper

If you have ever checked to see if your cervical mucus was eggwhite or clear, or could stretch 5 inches between your fingers and you know people in the next stall over are thinking, "WTF is she doing in there?"

If you were disappointed that you couldn't find any

If you have kept a HPT or OPK in your purse to use when you were at work or out just in case

If you can't wait to see the peak symbol

If you have ever spat on a microscope in order to see ferns

If you laugh when people tell you to use pillows under your butt after sex

If you have picked out crib bedding or nursery decor online and you're not pregnant

If you have ever felt panic when seeing a pregnant lady

If you meet the criteria above, or you'd like to submit your own, please post the following award on your blog. This is for all of the women who will no longer be silent about their infertility. This is to remind you that you need not be ashamed and you are definately not alone. This is to remind you to speak up the next time someone gives you fertility assvice.

Rules for posting award:

1. Link back to this post so that others will read the original story behind the award



2. Nominate 4 others who have not been "silent about their infertility"



3. Enjoy speaking out and speaking up :D

Thanks for speaking up, B!!!!! :)

It Has Started

I knew it...I just knew it...

I told DH that I did NOT want to tell anyone in our family that we were ttc....especially since we have gone so long without telling anyone...and how to tell them? Yea...I've been off the pill for a year now....???

But DH decided to tell MIL and FIL and BIL and SIL! Now pretty much DH's whole family knows. The select few that know in my family is my little sister (who is 13) and my cousin (who is 18). Both of them know me inside and out, so I had no problem telling them because I knew they wouldn't say anything.

In one of my previous posts I talked about all the suggestions from BIL we got the day DH told them. Yeah...that was fun.

Well now my MIL has started....I have now been told to put 1, possible even 2, pillows under my hips after intercourse. And to sit still in that position for 30 mins at least. Wow.

Amateurs. That is so last year. haha. That is like the FIRST thing you read when you start ttc. Little do they know we are looking into B/W and S/A and U/S and possible meds and treatments. But hey...I'll try the pillow under my butt approach. Sure...why not?

It's Spread Your Legs Time!

hahahaha :)

Well...it is that time again :) I had fertile cm this afternoon. We BDed too :)

This cycle I have told DH NOTHING...I'm very proud of myself. It is a total turn off to DH to hear "I'm ovulating!" lol So I have kept my mouth shut :)

Today I saw the cm and came out of the bathroom and sat right on his lap. He was already hinting...so I took advantage. haha

So I pretty much always have fertile cm on CD 15 and then I end up Oing a few days later...so my plan it to BD everyday until CD 21 at least. I'm pretty sure I can accomplish that as long as I don't use the word "ovulate."

The funny thing is...if you look through my charts, DH and I have NEVER BDed on the actual day of O. Usually a few days before, the day before, the day after...but not the actual O day. Now, we have techinally BDed on the day of O. You know, at like 3am....and then not BDed again until the next day. So we very well could have missed the O because we BDed more than 12-24 hours apart. I hope this makes sense...it does in my mind. lol

So I am basically holding out hope that the only reason we have not conceived yet is timing. It's not likely...but what do have to lose? Just time...and by the time we have our next Ob/Gyn appointment I will have already Oed. So I'm holding out hope!

Stupid body!

Well...after that 2 seconds of spotting yesterday...I have not had any since...it was still the weirdest thing! But I guess maybe nothing...huh.

Today was TERRIBLE! I had school today and luckily made it through the whole 6 hour day of 4 classes and 1 1/2 hour increments of sitting in ridiculously uncomfortable chairs. But I survived. Mostly...I made it to my last class and finally broke down and took some meds before class started...I couldnt take the pain anymore!

But what was SO funny what that we had a test in that class. Yea. Go me. Im really smart. Man, I was zoning out!!! It was pretty funny because we had a performance test...yea. I had to sign! OMG that was just terrible! I would LOVE to watch my video again because I can guarantee you any Deaf person watching it would have DIED laughing! Thank God for extra credit that I can make up when Im NOT stoned or in a med-induced coma.

haha. The day is over.

What the heck?!

I was spotting today!!!!!!!!!!!

SO WEIRD!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am on CD11....that means I am about 5 days pasted AF and about 5 days from my "fertile time."
I have NEVER had this before?!?! It was so weird...bright red spot on the toilet paper when I went to the bathroom...so I wiped again...and there is was again!

I have NO IDEA what it is! I just hope nothing's up!

Stuck in a rut

I havent posted lately...

I have not had anything to say. I havent posted anything on my message boards either. Like I said, Ive had nothing to say.

I have responded to others posts. Mainly pregnancy posts...sigh...so many ladies on my message board getting pregnant...oh well.

I have not been wanting to take my temps this cycle....my VIP subscription on FF ran out and I havent purchased another one...mainly because I havent really wanted to. Infertility is taking a backseat...to what? Im not really sure...maybe, life?

I am seriously stuck in a rut. I have reached a point in this journey that I do not know where to go from here. We have tried for a year on our own...so obviously naturally is not the answer here. So where do we go? To the treatments? There's no way we can afford it without ANY insurance coverage :( that is sad...

DH still has gotten his S/A done. Apparently they only do labs on Mondays, Tuesdays, and Thursdays. DH needs to go in on a Friday. He works 6:30am to 4:30am M-Th. So Im not sure what we're going to do. But right now, I dont care. Im not upset that it hasnt been done yet...Im not "gun ho" with it all right now. But that's okay.

So Im stuck...Im not pregnant, but that's okay. I'm not trying any more...I'm over it.

So I guess this is what they call a "break." Im okay with that.