Monday, September 14, 2009

Blah Blah Blah

That's exactly how I feel!

For the past...oh, I dunno, week or so...I have felt completely and totally overwhelmed. I have seriously stressed out and cried and much, that I just dont even have the energy to continue!

DH and I had yet another one of our "discussions" about our housing situation...and once again, it escalated to tears and hurt feelings. We are both just so overwhelmed with the SAME problems and DIFFERENT ways of handling them. Honestly, when we reach a certain point in our talks...there is just no need to continue. If I take offense at something...I automatically do not want the conversation to continue because I am immediately on defense and "fighting." The same goes for him...he gets a thought in him head and runs it in the ground and gets to the point that he does NOT want my opinion. We both just need to learn when to stop. But for some reason we keep going. I dont know if its stress or what...but there is just no good in a conversation going down the road it's been going. I guess we both feel like if we dont talk about now, when will we? But I think it's gonna be better solved through small talks. If we talk too much, we get too stressed. Ugh.......

So here's the latest on this situation. MIL got a certified letter in the mail to her PO box. She has yet to go and pick it up. It's from her mortgage company. She thinks its a letter to inform her the foreclosure process has begun on her rental property. DH and I think she is CRAZY for not picking up this letter immediately. If she has already entered foreclosure, those little old ladies she has in that house have LESS than a month to get out now! And they dont have a clue! I dont think they would...but they would have every right to sue her for breech of contract for not giving them 30 day notice!!! Our latest plan was to "save" MIL from foreclosure and use my inheritance money to pay her up to date and use that as our first and last months rent. Use the rest of my inheritance to pay for my class and to fix our transmission on our Isuzu. Our only problem still in the way was getting MIL to actually TELL the ladies they had to move and giving us a firm OK that we could move in. However, last night...DH went down this road....

He wants to KEEP our house. He is mad at us for not fighting harder to keep it after all we did to get it. He claims that if he works a 40 hour a week job and a part time job and if I work a 40 hour a week job after baby...we will be able to keep it. I have a problem with this. When DH and I first got married he was working INSANE hours and we never got time together. The time we DID get together was spent fighting over nonsense...secretly because we just missed each other. I do NOT want to go to that point again. Especially because a baby will be in the picture this time. I want DH to have time to enjoy Eli growing up. I dont want him to turn around one day and go "where did the time go?" and regret working so much. I do not think this house is worth that. But when I asked DH what he would do about spending time with his family he just said "I would spend every second I had to be with my family." As great as that sounds...I just think it would be SO stressful and not worth it in the long run. I would rather sell and move and both of us work full time jobs and still have enough time for family.

His next idea was to...omg...offer the ladies that live in his mother's rental house right rent out our basement. Again, I have a problem with this. DH sees this a solution for everything...he wouldnt have to work a 2nd job so he would get to be home more AND we would get to keep the house. I brought up the fact that the ladies are extremely elderly and the only access they would have to the kitchen is going upstairs. Then he said we could rent them our other 2 bedrooms and we (and Eli) stay in our bedroom. The basement and the living room/dining room/kitchen would be the area that we share. We would get to keep our dogs. I do not like the idea of having strangers living in my house. If I am keeping my house, I do not want to share it. I do not want it to feel like dorm life where you cant walk out of your bedroom without a bra on. I do not want to live in my own basement. (That was another option...we move our stuff to the downstairs since we are still able to use the stairs). I would rather move to the rental house, still have my own (smaller, but still private) space and start over. I want to sell the house. It was great when we could afford it. It's been a great first home. Granted, we bought it to "grow" into...but we could sooo fit in a smaller space. I want to cut my loses and start over. Less house, less stress. Even with him working 2 jobs and me working a full time job...we would be living paycheck to paycheck. If we moved to the rental house and we both worked full time jobs, we could save, put back...and live more comfortably without as much stress on bills. We would be close to my mom and sister for support and help with watching the baby. I cant believe I'm saying it, but I was actually looking forward to the move. Even if we had to would be a fresh start.

But I just dont feel like going down this road again with DH. The truth is, I am his wife...and I ultimately have to give it up to him. I will follow him where ever. Even if I am miserable. There's a point where I just have to give up.

The latest pregnancy news is that with all the stress I am going through I am having Braxton Hicks contractions. And the urge to poop (TMI!) a lot. Baby has been moving around like crazy (FINALLY!) for the past few weeks (started around 25 weeks that I could really feel him...stupid anterior placenta!). I love love love feeling him move! I think I may have hydronephrosis...where there is a pressure blockage on my ureter to my kidney that causes discomfort. This is what the on call dr told me. I'll find out at my appointment Friday if I get an U/S of my kidney. And OMG heartburn! Milk, tums, mylanta...NOTHING is working. I took TWO pepcid the other day and that was the FIRST time I had had relief. Needless to say, I will have to ask about a prescription at my appointment also. What else? Swelling...of my hands mostly...and my feet when Im in the shower. Sciatic pain in my left thigh is worse. Like frostbite. And I have seriously never felt this fatigued the entire pregnancy. I could seriously sleep ALLLLLLL day. Oh, and nausea is back. I threw up the other day for the first time since I had the flu at 24 weeks. Ugh...I thought I had paid my dues! Grrr.

Sorry to have such a depressing post, but in all honesty...I'm really struggling. I will update with stats from my next appointment! Friday! I'll be 29 weeks! WOW! Getting sooooo close!


Brooke said...

WOW!!! You have so much going on. To be honest I agree with you. I can understand why dh would want to keep the house. Truth is though he is trying to hold onto the american dream of the house and kids and all that and you are right he is going to be miserable with both of you working soooo much just so you can have a house you will spend barely any time together in. Thats silly. I am not telling you anything you dont know. Pray. Pray over your husband and his choices. God gave him good sense and he needs to use it. Wanting his wife to work 40 hours a week after having a baby you tried so hard for is not using his good sense. Men. I mean really pregnancy brings out the best and the worst in them. Mine has said and done some dumb things during this pregnancy but they have our best interests and heart and they are trying their best. Pray. Thats all I can tell you. Feel better. I am so sorry this pregnancy has been so hard on your body. Things have been pretty breezy for me considering your crap! Goodness. I will say a prayer for you guys. I know you are ready for some peace and gosh you need to try and enjoy your pregnancy for heaven sake!

Annie said...

I'm sorry you and DH are having to make so many tough decisions right now. I'm wishing the best for you guys.
As for heartburn, I felt your pain! I had the worse heartburn and I was expecting my baby to come out with a full head of hair, which he didn't. I don't know any secret tricks to tell you, nothing ever helped me either.

B MoM said...

I feel ya on the financial/home woes. We're going through something similar due to DH's job transfer. I recently encountered some companies that act as your advocate with your mortgage lender to renegotiate your mortgage to more affordable rates. You'd TOTALLY qualify due to your circumstances. The catch is, there's a fee for their services (kinda like hiring an attorney to represent you with your lender). The one company I first spoke with their fees are $3000. I'm going to try shopping around. I'd suggest you check it out too if you're interested in keeping your house without having to kill yourselves to afford it. Google mortgage lending solutions and you'll see alot of these companies. Good luck!

B MoM said...

on my last post, I meant to say google "solutions loan modifications" The company's website with the $3000 fee is

B MoM said...

me one last time - doing more research on loan modifications. I really like the info from this company: I spoke to the owner on the phone for free - Bridget and she was very very helpful. Her company offers a do it your self guide for $97 or they'll help you modify your loan and wont charge you an upfront fee. You pay $2500 if they are able to successfully modify the loan for you. I also know that HUD offers loan modification and foreclosure avoidance counselors too for each local state. Check this site out:

hope this helps you!