Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Week 10 of Pregnancy

Well...this has been quite a week. Very stressful. I found out I failed a class. So I don't get my degree until I have passed it. It is only offered in the summer or next spring. BUMMER. My DH has been such a wonderful support. I cried and cried and cried thinking about how much I have screwed over my family. And now I'm pregnant...I can't just waltz my way back into school. I need money for that...time for that. Ugh.

Moving on...we gave away one of our dogs Monday night. We had originally decided to give away 2 of them. Buddha and Milo. Buddha was my MILs dog who bit my nephew and DH ran to the rescue and let him come stay with us. Milo is our baby who we have had since 2 months before we got married. I cried and cried and cried thinking about getting rid of Milo. Honestly, Buddha would be a better dog by himself. He never really got along with our dogs. He's older and he's jealous easily. We put them up on Craigslist. I got a call from a lady who was interested in meeting them. So I went off to work. I still cried and cried and cried with the thought of losing Milo. I cried so much I made myself sick. I threw up and I threw up and I threw up. It was awful. I called my DH and told him I just couldn't go through with it. it was like giving up a child. So the lady came to meet them...and it turns out she only wanted Buddha anyway :) Buddha loved her! She was holding him like a baby and rubbing his belly and he was just eating it up!

Then...I called my case worker at DHS only to find out she hadn't even OPENED the envelope full of all the information she needed to start our process. We dropped it off a week ago! Irritating!!! So I tell her I have my next appointment in a week and 1/2 and I NEED that TennCare ready to go so I don't have to pay. She told me she would go ahead and get started on my case right then! I should expect a letter in the mail to tell me I've got it and then within a month I get my insurance card. But she said the letter would be enough to be seen. Thank God.

I have never cried so much as I have this week. Lately my favorite thing to do is get my lunch, go park at our local park, and eat and cry in my car. This sounds really pathetic, but keeps me sane. It keeps my poor DH from having me break down in front of him. I am just hoping that from here on out is smooth sailing. I need to focus on getting a good paying job with benefits. I need to decide what I'm going to do about that one class I have left. Now that I have cried about it...I need to think about it.

So this week gets me that much closer to the end of the first trimester :) I am now anxiously awaiting my next appointment on the 22nd. I have been taking a belly picture every week. It's just annoying to have to upload all of my pictures just to get one. So I'll try to upload my 10 week picture soon. I think my belly has popped! Or it may just be because yesterday I wore my very first maternity skirt!!! And it let my belly hang I'm sure I looked bigger just because the fat and baby belly were hanging out. LOL But it was so comfortable! I also had to tell my boss that I am going to need some bigger shirts. haha. My work shirt barely covered the elastic belly band!!! So to all of you out there considering switching to maternity it!!! :)


Brooke said...

Oh you sound so sad but I know its just because you are so stressed. God will work all of this out in his time. You and I both know He has a plan and a good one at that! I am so glad you are nearing the end of the 1st trimester. I am just loving(hating) being sick all the time. I want to like food again. Thing is when I am not sick I want to be so that I know our bean is healthy and growing. Weirdo I know. Belly pic!!!! Please!! I cant wait till mine POPS.

B MoM said...

boo to failing. I know it seems impossible now, but I bet you'll be able to make it up soon. It'll seem difficult with a baby, but when you put your mind to it and with God's assistance, you'll be able to do it! Things will come together....just you wait and see!